Gardens & Grief

Spring. Finally!

Even in the coolness of these March days, there’s the promise of Spring. The long green growth of bulbs have stretched out from beneath the soil and a few daffodils have bloomed, shocks of yellow dotting the yards. A new season is just around the corner…it’s already begun, in fact. 

Spring is the beautiful reminder we all need that new things are coming. 

The Grief

We’ve all lost something the last few years. Yours may be a physical loss; a loved one who has passed, a diagnosis that has changed your daily life, or a relationship that seemingly cannot be repaired. Or perhaps your loss marks something that was simply emotionally or mentally difficult…the disappointment of canceled holidays, the stress of hesitancy and caution, or the loss of a truly enjoyable beginning of retirement. As we look into a future that surely seems more “normal” and celebrate the return of a more promising Spring, it’s hard to not glance back and mourn what happened along the way. 

Grief comes in jolts, sometimes laying dormant like those bulbs in the garden and then bursting out with unexpected abandon. Engaging that grief in a tangible way can be helpful as we learn to cope with it, handle it gently and even memorialize it.

The Garden

Whether you have a meticulous garden of your own or you do well to schedule a lawn service every summer, the growth around you this time of year is likely to inspire. Look outside. The view from your window is becoming greener (as your allergies may have already reminded you!) and the days are lengthening. Now is the time to let yourself be encouraged by the promises of nature. 

Working the soil, even if it’s just a few handfuls in a pot, can relieve the stress of trauma and help you set new creative hopes and goals for the future. So decide where you’ll be about the business of new life this Spring. Is it a plot of raised beds in your back yard or a simple herb garden in your kitchen window? 

A houseplant could do the trick or a potted fern on your front porch. Choose something that needs a little tending and then give it a name. Yep…that’s right. I said to name your plant. I have house plants that I’ve affectionately referred to as “Mimi” and “Poppy” since I lost my grandparents several years ago. These large, run-of-the-mill funeral plants have spent their summers on the front porch and their winters in my kitchen for 8 and 5 years respectively. I think of my grandparents every time I pour a little water in their pots or shine up their leaves in the dead of winter. It’s a happy thought that something they are associated with requires my occasional tending. I enjoy the remembering and I love that there is life that stems from their loss. Naming my plants, even if it’s simply acknowledging a loss with the planting or purchasing of them, can be strangely cathartic.

Don’t Waste Your Grief

As I glance around my yard, I see several memorials that have intentionally or even unintentionally been set up over the years. There is a crete myrtle in memory of a lost baby, a rose bush gifted to me from a dear friend who moved away, and an heirloom peony from my great-grandmother’s yard. And every Spring I set about tending to these memorials with an intentional remembrance. Pruning and watering and fertilizing gives me a distinct purpose in the practice of my grief. The gardening beautifies my small patch of land and helps settle my heartsickness as something lovely takes place.

Even as the days grow long and the sun restores our hope, use your sorrow to cultivate something new this Spring. Remind yourself that you can do small things to take control of your heart and mind when so much of life feels wobbly.